500th Post: Rest Ethic

Hello, All. Long time, no see! This is mostly because I started my new job, and that keeps me busy. It's also because I like the job, and therefore have less angst to process. In short, my life is interesting in a way that gives me less time for public reflection, but not interesting in a way that would make a juicy blog post.

I do, however, have something I'd like to put forth. It popped into my head a couple weeks ago, when I was at one of several voiceover workshops I've taken lately. Our sound engineer told us that he only gets about 4-5 hours of sleep per night; he's that busy. He likes all the work that keeps him busy, which is good. At one point, though, he mentioned his "work ethic," and that got me thinking. I've heard other super-busy people talk about their "work ethics." And I wonder if what they really have is a work preference. (Note: What follows are my own general thoughts, and not an assessment of this particular engineer, whom I don't know well.)

I'm familiar with what's known as the Protestant Work Ethic, which I believe is based largely on a verse in the New Testament that talks about doing everything "as unto Christ," and the idea that we honor God by working hard, pulling our own weight, and doing things with excellence. There's a moral component to it. I would say that my own work ethic is what pushed me to do a good job for my employers through several jobs which I only took to get by, or which I flat-out hated. And if a person is driven largely by a conviction that they're working hard because it's right, then yes, that's a work ethic. But I respectfully submit that if you just like being busy, or hate sitting still, then that's a preference rather than an ethic.

It's possible for these things to overlap, of course. I don't think that a work ethic is necessarily absent simply because you happen to enjoy the work you're doing. I just think it's worth making the distinction, for three main reasons:

1. Suggesting that more work is more ethical also suggests that less work is less ethical, and the person who gets 8 hours of sleep is morally weaker than the one who limits themselves to 5. Equating your preference for busyness with a work ethic doesn't leave room for people who don't share your preference to share that moral ground.

2. Failing to make the distinction could allow someone to overlook other issues, such as an inability to spend time alone or a tendency to undernourish relationships, while putting a virtuous stamp of "work ethic" on it.

3. Blurring busyness with a work ethic doesn't allow room for what I've begun thinking of as a Rest Ethic.

As you'll have noticed if you've read my posts over the past year or so, I've been growing in my appreciation for rest. Sleep is good for us. It helps us to solve problems. It keeps us healthy. It allows us to be in better moods and focus more during our waking hours, so we're giving other people our best. And waking rest is good, too. The season of unemployment -- or, as I'm increasingly viewing it, my Sabbatical -- was fantastic for me. It was a great transition period during which I was able to explore a new career path and become emotionally ready to enjoy my new job. And I had plenty of time to let my mind wander, to pray, to take naps, to exercise (and I came to love relaxing forms of exercise, like yoga), to read online humor articles, and all kinds of things that I find restful.

Now, I readily admit that, just as some folks have a preference for busyness, I have a preference for rest. I love having blank days on my calendar when I can do as much or as little as I like. If I become too busy, even fun activities cease to be fun. But I think that, as with work, while the preference and ethic are distinct, there can be an overlap. I've been able to increasingly enjoy my own preference for rest -- instead of assuming it was mere laziness and fighting and berating myself, as I used to do -- because I also believe in its value. Part of our creaturely state is being finite and limited. We need food, water, social interaction, and rest. To disregard the importance of one of these is to be unrealistic about our humanity. OK, maybe that's kind of a judgy way to put it. How about this: While there can be virtue in self-control and self-discipline, and in not giving in to every urge the moment we have it, there is also virtue in learning how to take care of our whole selves.

My spiritual and cultural backgrounds are pretty work-centered. The Protestant Work Ethic played a big role in the development of America's character, and many of the churches I've attended also spring largely from this ground. But there are other traditions that place a high value on such things as contemplation, meditation, forms of prayer that center on listening rather than intercession and "spiritual battle," and all kinds of other practices that, to us who are used to being busy, can seem boring, passive... so darn quiet. But the idea that God can move through these quiet means is exciting to me.

Lastly, a disclaimer: I'm not a huge fan of defining something by disparaging everything else. I'm not saying that busyness is bad, or that a preference for it is bad. I'm just saying that the ethic of work is well complemented by the ethic of rest, and that each serves its role best when balanced by the other.

Proportions will vary from person to person :-).

The Next Trapeze

I got a job!

But I don't have to do it yet.

When I wrote the last post, I had interviewed/auditioned for a position that I thought could be a great fit for me, and was waiting to hear whether I'd gotten it. I had to wait two weeks, which always feels like a longer time to the person waiting than it does to the person making the decision (one of many ways in which job searches are like dating). I wanted to write a post about how great unemployment has been before I knew the results of my interview, because I wanted it to come from  my perspective while I was still in the middle of it, and not after I knew how it was going to end.

I have my answer now: I have been offered the position, accepted it, and have begun the process of taking drug tests and other pre-employment tasks. Paid training doesn't start till sometime in April, though, and I haven't filled out the official employment paperwork, so I still have a few weeks of "vacation" till I'm back in the working world. In many ways, it's a fantastic situation, where I still have subsidized time off, but I know when and how it will end, and the next stage is exciting to me.

When I'd been unemployed for only a couple weeks, I saw a singer-songwriter perform at my church. He sang a song called "The Bird," about a trapeze artist, and said it was a metaphor for life transitions: Sometimes you have to let go of one trapeze before you grab the next one, and the brave are able to do something beautiful with the space in between. I wanted to make the most of my "in-between time," if I could. I wasn't sure exactly what that would entail, but I felt like my main job in this season of transition was simply not to worry, at least not at first. And I managed to do that with little difficulty. Of course, this season was much easier on me than it is for most people. The money didn't run out, and I had no one else depending on me for support. I was just happy to be free of work that I hated, and, while I didn't know what lay before me, I knew what I was leaving behind and was glad to leave it there.

Now I know what the next trapeze is: I'll be an actress and tour guide with one of the many historical sites and museums in Boston! I get to wear custom-made costumes, in colors and fabrics that I chose myself. I'll lead tours and take on the roles of real-life women, and also be a fictional character or two. I get to dress up and perform for a living! Pretty clothes and attention! It'll be full-time, year-round, and after the first three months, I'll even get health benefits. For an actor, that's virtually unheard of. The money isn't huge, but it should keep all the bills paid, and I may have time to continue to pursue other acting work, which may eventually supplement my income. And even if it doesn't, I'll be spending my days doing something I enjoy! How novel! 

I've found myself thinking and saying the words, "my awesome life," on more than one occasion. In the course of six months, my daily existence went from feeling meh to feeling awesome. In some ways, a change in job is such a simple fix. And in others, it's complicated and hard to get right. I haven't begun the work yet, or even the training, but I'm looking forward to all of it, and that's huge. What a gift!

So, there's the latest news from me. The season of transition is coming into home stretch, and I'm looking to score. While there have been -- and continue to be -- some logistical hiccups, things have been quite pleasant overall. I'm really happy to have such good news to share with you!

And if you happen to be in Beantown sometime after June 26 of this year, come check out the Boston Tea Party Ships and Museum. I'll be there, chucking tea overboard and, I hope, loving every minute of it.

Funemployment

Unemployment has pretty much rocked so far.

Not to oversimplify it or anything. but it has. I don't assume that this is the case for everyone -- I know it's usually a stressful, and often a devastating, time. But I feel like I've been spoiled, and I want to acknowledge that gift.

Of course, all this is easy to say, because the money hasn't run out (yet). As I began this season, I felt like my main task was not to worry, and that's been pretty easy to maintain, but I readily admit that that could have been different if I hadn't had severance and unemployment benefits. And I don't have any dependents. Really, if you're going to be out of a job, you probably can't have it much easier than I have. I get that.

Now, disclaimers aside, I want to talk about some of the things that have been cool about this season. I've talked a lot on this blog about things I want and don't have yet, and ways I've been unhappy, so I feel I'd be grossly remiss if I didn't talk about this great thing that has come my way. Here's a list of some ways in which this season of unemployment has been sweet:

1. I'm well rested. Duh, right? It's not always easy, letting myself veer towards my naturally nocturnal habits without completely reversing my circadian rhythm and staying up all night and sleeping all day, and I'll admit I'm often unhappy with myself if I sleep past what I consider "a decent hour," but it is great getting as much sleep as my mind and body need. Tiredness is icky -- we get cranky, it's hard to concentrate and pay attention, our immune systems get weaker, and our brains have less "alone time" to sort through stuff. And I've had the luxury of not having to be tired all the time, and resting/sleeping when I am. And I haven't had that horrible feeling I used to get, where I'd dread going to bed because then I'd only be a sleep away from getting up and going to a job I hated.

2. I'm unstuck. This is a biggie. I felt really stuck in my old job. I didn't want to leave without having something else to go to, because I remembered when things were tight financially and thought that would be just as stressful as doing work I hated. And I didn't know what that "something else" would be. I couldn't really think of another day job that I would hate less. I've had quite a variety of day jobs now, and thought I could turn a couple of them into careers, but I keep veering back to wanting to be a performer of some kind, and that work is hard to find. I also didn't have much formal training or experience in things like acting, which is what I wanted to do. By the end of my old job, though, I was praying every day that God would get me out of there (which was probably my way of saying, "Please give me something better to go to, because I don't know what that would be!"). Well, He didn't exactly provide a dream job as a new landing space, but He did give me severance and unemployment benefits, which were quite a nice parachute. Good enough. And since I took that little leap, I've felt unstuck. I may not know exactly where I'm going to land next, but, at least for now, the freedom feels like freedom, rather than poop-my-pants scary.

3. I've had the luxury of figuring out what I like and pursuing it, without the burden of supporting myself (for a while). From what I've been able to determine, the way to find paying acting work is to get any acting work, even if it doesn't pay, and use it to build your resume (sorry, I'm not sure how to put accents over the E letters in Blogger) and, if you can get copies of the films from the (mostly) students who are making them, put together what they call a "reel" -- a sort of video portfolio full of clips of your work, to demonstrate that you can actually act. I've been able to put lots of time into that, without having to freak out about when the paying work will come and cover my bills. Very nice.

4. I feel like I've gotten a sabbatical. For quite a while before I got laid off, I would find myself wishing for a summer vacation or other extended period of time when I could just lie on my bed and stare at the wall and daydream for weeks, or even months, on end. And now I have it! I've always been a daydreamer, and the better I get to know myself, the more I realize that this isn't a waste of time or a distraction; it's how I learn what's important to me, how I practice life skills, how I pray, and now that I'm an actress, it's how I (often without realizing it) rehearse and prepare. It's part of what makes me a writer, too, I'd wager.

5. I've been working out a lot, and liking it. Perhaps you've had the experience where, once you get into the habit of working out, you like it; it's when you haven't done it in a while that it seems onerous. Well, I've had the time to do it regularly, which means I get to enjoy it pretty steadily. So I'm well rested and well exercised, and thus probably hotter. Oh, who am I kidding? Like it was possible for me to get hotter than I already was.

6. It's easier to be happy when you don't hate 8 hours of your day, then take the stress home with you. In addition to feeling un-stuck, I just don't have to deal with the old job anymore. Sure, they had cookies, but my cupboard has chocolate bars, so that's a wash.

7. I love chilling out at home. Garrison Keillor has described himself as an "avid indoorsman." I'm that. I like lounging around, reading, being on the Internet, lighting candles and listening to music, watching DVDs, stuff like that. I've managed to remain fairly active over the last several months, but I ain't gonna lie -- I've also watched and read a lot. A lot.

I bet there are more items that aren't coming to mind at the moment, but it's now quite late and I want to post this puppy, with the stipulation that I may add to the list in future posts.

And, for what it's worth, I'm not trying to make anybody jealous or anything. But this is the first time in I-don't-know-how-long that I envy my own life, in a way. I look at it and it looks good to me. It's not a situation that is indefinitely sustainable -- I'll have to earn money on my own eventually -- but for a temporary, transitional season, it rocks like a geology seminar. (Was that a bad joke? It's so late...)

The Pursuit of Happiness

I want to be happy. I've decided.

That was my big revelation today. I went back to get prayer at church, because I'm a prayer junkie, and the woman who prayed for me brought up the question our pastor asks each year during Lent, when our church does what we call "40 Days of Faith." During these 40 days, we ask God for something we want that only He can give. But we're supposed to ask ourselves, first, "What do I want?" And then, "What do I really want?" The idea is that there's usually a deeper desire that underlies our surface desire. For example, perhaps on the surface I want a high-paying job, but perhaps the desire(s) beneath that are for fulfillment, purpose, stability, and security. Or, if my surface desire is for marriage, then perhaps the underlying desire is for fulfilling and satisfying human relationship. Or maybe not. Maybe I just want a job and a man. The point is that it's worth asking, especially since God wants to give us not just what we think we want, but what we really need. It also helps us recognize answers to prayer when they come, because we have less of a preconceived notion of what those answers have to look like.

So anyway, I went back for prayer, because I want a lot of stuff. I haven't posted a ton since my unemployment began in September, despite having (in theory) more time for stuff like writing. But I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that I am unemployed, and am thus in transition. I've also mentioned bits about the boyfriend debacle. So, as you can imagine, I'm on the lookout for things resembling careers and relationships. Holly want. Then the woman praying for me brought up the question, "What do you really want?" and immediately I thought simply, "I want to be happy." Then I dismissed that response as too simplistic, obvious, not specific enough to count as a prayer, and so common to mankind that it's like saying, "I want air to breathe." (I'm good at dismissing my own thoughts and feelings; maybe that's one reason why I don't currently consider myself happy.)

But later, I thought maybe happiness is not only a valid desire and a valid prayer request, but its simplicity is part of what's good about it. And, come to think of it, if you were lacking something as basic as air, that would probably be an excellent thing to pray for. I've actually been thinking a lot about air and breathing lately, because I've had a cold, and it makes it hard to sleep. Sometimes I wake up, not getting as much air as easily as I'd like, and I'll think of a couple kids I once saw on TV. I was watching the Iron Man race, and one woman was racing to raise awareness of cystic fibrosis, which both her children had. They described it as feeling like you always had to breathe through a straw. And that sounds like utter torture. Even sleep doesn't give you a break from that. How do you not go insane? I hate even imagining how awful that must be. In that situation, praying for air makes perfect sense.

So maybe praying for happiness isn't stupid. And maybe I don't need to get all particular the way I have in the past, asking for God to "increase my capacity for joy" or to "help me live in the moment." I'm just going to ask for happiness, however that comes, in whatever form it takes. Because wouldn't that make everything else easier? If I had a little job that wasn't great but didn't suck, but I was happy, then I'd still be happy. If I was pretty much paying my bills but didn't have much disposable income, but I was happy, then I'd still be happy. If I stay single but am happy, then I'll still be happy. It's like there's a pattern there or something.

I'm not talking about letting go of dreams or ambition. I'm not talking about settling or giving up or complacency. I'm just talking about being happy.

Holly want.