My Poor Nerves

Yesterday, I thought I was getting sick. I determined to take today off, so I'd have time to recover before my big weekend. I did call in sick, but as I type this at home, I feel fine, and I suspect I didn't have an illness at all: I was just nervous about last night's rehearsal for this weekend's film shoot.

Yeah, that's right, film shoot, baby! I am an ACK-TOHR!

Really, it's a web series, not a movie. But we still have to shoot it. And the deal is, I'm the female lead. It's great to be cast, and to have people think you're good enough to play the part and (I hope) easy enough on the eyes to be convincing as the object of someone's affection. But if yesterday's psychosomatic (emphasis on psycho) episode is anything to go by, I'm even more nervous and insecure about it than I realized. What if I'm goofy looking? What if I'm not funny? What if the audience just finds me annoying? Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!

I probably shouldn't indulge that negative voice loop.

It's ultimately a good thing, to be doing something I care about so much that I almost made myself sick with nerves. But dang, it could have been inconvenient. And I freaked out a fellow actor, whom I'm supposed to kiss in one of the scenes (never done that before -- double eek!), who's now afraid that I have actual cooties.

I'm a big old bundle of insecurity. It's bringing up feelings from when I was a musician, and never felt prepared enough for my performances. Only this time, I also lack training and experience. Awesome.

I see that I'm up to 35 followers now, despite (or perhaps because of?) my silence over the last two months. Welcome! In a few months, there ought to be some webisodes for you to check out, along with the blog posts and podcasts. Another chip away at the boulder of my anonymity, since I'll be credited in these webisodes under my full name. That's OK. If anyone decides to stalk me, I'll take it as evidence that my performance didn't suck.

Heck, I'll even tell you what it's called, since the production team has set up a Facebook page and perhaps other sites related to the production: "The Ex Factor." Pun intended. It's written by Greg Lam and produced by Malarkey Films. If you're in the Boston/Somerville area, you can even be an extra this Sunday.

If any of you are of the praying persuasion, I won't say no to any prayers for me and the rest of the team as we shoot this. I really want to do well. And it's a talented group of people, both behind and in front of the camera, so it would be great if the end product showcased that and got folks some well deserved attention.

Thanks for reading, guys. And until the shoot is over, Eek, eek, eek, eek, eek!