Funemployment

Unemployment has pretty much rocked so far.

Not to oversimplify it or anything. but it has. I don't assume that this is the case for everyone -- I know it's usually a stressful, and often a devastating, time. But I feel like I've been spoiled, and I want to acknowledge that gift.

Of course, all this is easy to say, because the money hasn't run out (yet). As I began this season, I felt like my main task was not to worry, and that's been pretty easy to maintain, but I readily admit that that could have been different if I hadn't had severance and unemployment benefits. And I don't have any dependents. Really, if you're going to be out of a job, you probably can't have it much easier than I have. I get that.

Now, disclaimers aside, I want to talk about some of the things that have been cool about this season. I've talked a lot on this blog about things I want and don't have yet, and ways I've been unhappy, so I feel I'd be grossly remiss if I didn't talk about this great thing that has come my way. Here's a list of some ways in which this season of unemployment has been sweet:

1. I'm well rested. Duh, right? It's not always easy, letting myself veer towards my naturally nocturnal habits without completely reversing my circadian rhythm and staying up all night and sleeping all day, and I'll admit I'm often unhappy with myself if I sleep past what I consider "a decent hour," but it is great getting as much sleep as my mind and body need. Tiredness is icky -- we get cranky, it's hard to concentrate and pay attention, our immune systems get weaker, and our brains have less "alone time" to sort through stuff. And I've had the luxury of not having to be tired all the time, and resting/sleeping when I am. And I haven't had that horrible feeling I used to get, where I'd dread going to bed because then I'd only be a sleep away from getting up and going to a job I hated.

2. I'm unstuck. This is a biggie. I felt really stuck in my old job. I didn't want to leave without having something else to go to, because I remembered when things were tight financially and thought that would be just as stressful as doing work I hated. And I didn't know what that "something else" would be. I couldn't really think of another day job that I would hate less. I've had quite a variety of day jobs now, and thought I could turn a couple of them into careers, but I keep veering back to wanting to be a performer of some kind, and that work is hard to find. I also didn't have much formal training or experience in things like acting, which is what I wanted to do. By the end of my old job, though, I was praying every day that God would get me out of there (which was probably my way of saying, "Please give me something better to go to, because I don't know what that would be!"). Well, He didn't exactly provide a dream job as a new landing space, but He did give me severance and unemployment benefits, which were quite a nice parachute. Good enough. And since I took that little leap, I've felt unstuck. I may not know exactly where I'm going to land next, but, at least for now, the freedom feels like freedom, rather than poop-my-pants scary.

3. I've had the luxury of figuring out what I like and pursuing it, without the burden of supporting myself (for a while). From what I've been able to determine, the way to find paying acting work is to get any acting work, even if it doesn't pay, and use it to build your resume (sorry, I'm not sure how to put accents over the E letters in Blogger) and, if you can get copies of the films from the (mostly) students who are making them, put together what they call a "reel" -- a sort of video portfolio full of clips of your work, to demonstrate that you can actually act. I've been able to put lots of time into that, without having to freak out about when the paying work will come and cover my bills. Very nice.

4. I feel like I've gotten a sabbatical. For quite a while before I got laid off, I would find myself wishing for a summer vacation or other extended period of time when I could just lie on my bed and stare at the wall and daydream for weeks, or even months, on end. And now I have it! I've always been a daydreamer, and the better I get to know myself, the more I realize that this isn't a waste of time or a distraction; it's how I learn what's important to me, how I practice life skills, how I pray, and now that I'm an actress, it's how I (often without realizing it) rehearse and prepare. It's part of what makes me a writer, too, I'd wager.

5. I've been working out a lot, and liking it. Perhaps you've had the experience where, once you get into the habit of working out, you like it; it's when you haven't done it in a while that it seems onerous. Well, I've had the time to do it regularly, which means I get to enjoy it pretty steadily. So I'm well rested and well exercised, and thus probably hotter. Oh, who am I kidding? Like it was possible for me to get hotter than I already was.

6. It's easier to be happy when you don't hate 8 hours of your day, then take the stress home with you. In addition to feeling un-stuck, I just don't have to deal with the old job anymore. Sure, they had cookies, but my cupboard has chocolate bars, so that's a wash.

7. I love chilling out at home. Garrison Keillor has described himself as an "avid indoorsman." I'm that. I like lounging around, reading, being on the Internet, lighting candles and listening to music, watching DVDs, stuff like that. I've managed to remain fairly active over the last several months, but I ain't gonna lie -- I've also watched and read a lot. A lot.

I bet there are more items that aren't coming to mind at the moment, but it's now quite late and I want to post this puppy, with the stipulation that I may add to the list in future posts.

And, for what it's worth, I'm not trying to make anybody jealous or anything. But this is the first time in I-don't-know-how-long that I envy my own life, in a way. I look at it and it looks good to me. It's not a situation that is indefinitely sustainable -- I'll have to earn money on my own eventually -- but for a temporary, transitional season, it rocks like a geology seminar. (Was that a bad joke? It's so late...)