How do, folks!
I'm in transition -- or at least, I hope I am -- and thought it might be good to let you in on the process.
As you can see in the blurb at the right of this blog, I've been in a time of Serious Waiting for going on a decade now. In 2000, I returned from a second year in England, moved to D.C., and planned to head into my grown-up life: a music career with, hopefully, a comfortable income (it is possible!); an apartment of my own; a church; some long-term friendships; and meeting and marrying the right guy.
Well, I got the apartment, anyway.
The rest of it either crashed and burned or never quite got off the ground at all. There have been some changes, most of them slow. I believe God has been at work, both in me and behind the scenes in my life, but I'm still waiting for some of the big things that I've wanted my whole life.
So, 4 weeks ago, while praying, I found myself asking God to cap this season of waiting at ten years. If I remember correctly, I moved to D.C. on Nov. 4, 2000. As of today, that leaves just over five months. Yikes! I don't know if that sounds like a long time to you, but after ten slow years, it sounds incredibly short to me. I prayed that God would bring the big changes I've been waiting for in both the career and romance departments, and that I'll recognize and enjoy these changes when they come. I'm not letting God or myself off the hook with this one! The prayer is prayed, and it stands.
I know that in letting the world in on what I've done, I open myself to all kinds of opinions, advice, and concern: What am I doing to make this happen? What if it doesn't happen? If it does happen, how can I say it's God and not me? I'd ask you to trust me, since I've had years and years to wrestle with these issues, but you don't have to trust me. I'd ask you to trust God with it, but maybe that's not your thing. Whatever happens, I think this is an important risk in my relationship with Him, and I'm just trying to walk it out. And I'm sharing it here to give Him a chance to show Himself to be big, and to show myself to be... well, whatever I am in relationship with Him.
I'm both afraid that it all won't happen, and afraid that it will. After all, I'm used to things being slow and quiet, and I've asked for things that are new and scary.
But I'm also hopeful.
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4 comments:
But Holly, you already have several of these tasty items. You have strong friendships and people are crazy about you, even when they haven't spent that much time with you. You have a job that pays for your life. You have a church that you have a tight relationship with. Right?
I'm not judgin', or trying to downplay the importance of these recent prayers. Just sayin' that the last decade has already brought you a bunch of good stuff, and now you just need a worthy man!
We should totes have a party on Nov 4 in any case...
:)
You're right, Anya, I do have friends, a job that covers my bills, and a good church! I don't want to sound ungrateful. It does feel like I've driven the past ten years with the emergency break on, though.
Oh, you weren't sounding ungrateful. I just know a lot of people who feel like their real life hasn't started yet, and I was hoping you weren't one of them because (obvs) real life is ongoing.
:)
Good luck w/the emergency brake! Keep us posted!
You know what I just realized? A lot (though not all) of the crashing and burning happened in D.C. and got better after I moved to Boston, and I knew that in my head, but I see now that it's not clear in the way I wrote that post. Writing my confusing be can. 'm loving this jumbled-sentence thing.
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