Blogging to Know We're Not Alone

     In the movie Shadowlands, the idea that "we read to know we are not alone" was posited to C.S. Lewis by one of his students. Though it's been almost twenty years since I first saw that film, I don't feel like I've ever fully processed this idea, and don't know whether I agree with it fully, partially, or at all. In the last few weeks, though, I've begun to feel a new season of blogging coming on, and I do feel like this is one of the main impetuses (impeti?) behind my urge to post again: not merely to know that I am not alone, but so that other people will know that they aren't, either. 

    I haven't posted in nearly a year-and-a-half, which I probably don't need to tell anyone who has visited this page (and thank you so much for visiting!). I actually had a ton to say over the summer of 2012, because I was in a play for the first time since junior high drama club, which had been about twenty-five years earlier. This was within the first year of my pursuing acting seriously, and it was a starring role in small-scale but professional production. There were two main roles in the play, and I had one of them, so new-to-acting me was carrying half a play. It was scary and exciting and I was experiencing and trying to process a gazillion questions and emotions. But I was so busy doing it that I didn't have time to write coherent posts about it. 

    That's pretty cool for someone like me, actually. Most of my life is internal, so to have so much external activity can be a wonderful change of pace. It wasn't sustainable, though. One of the best parts of the experience was being able to give myself over to it completely, to allow myself to think about the play all day, every day, to the point where I was largely ignoring the rest of my sort-of-grown-up life. I didn't clean my room, and was barely paying bills -- not because I had no money, but because I didn't have room in my brain to think about them. Not only can I not do that all the time, but I don't want to.

    Since then, I've only taken auditions for a couple theater productions and a handful of TV commercials. I was on an acting break (and a Facebook break) while I took an intensive course through my church that involved lots of homework and thinking, and I let my memberships to online resources for auditions lapse. They cost money, and I also didn't need the pressure of constantly asking myself if I really should be taking auditions during that time after all. And then I was looking for an apartment, and moving into that apartment, and there were medical issues...

    Now, with the course and other time-consuming endeavors over, at least for the time being, I'm trying to find a way to balance, on one hand, my ambition and desire to take risks and see how far I can take acting; and on the other, my desire/need for a quiet, contented life where I can simply come home from work and relax, without having to worry about trying to build yet another new career in a scary and often brutal industry.

     This is one of the many issues I'm currently processing, and my introverted nature makes me hesitant to just talk about it to anyone who makes the mistake of beginning to listen. I like this blog because you, my audience, are not captive; you don't have to read if you don't want to, so I don't have to worry about boring you. I hope.

    I also keep daydreaming about public speaking, of sharing my questions and processing with people (and perhaps the occasional revelation), on the off chance that people will be entertained and encouraged by it all. But I have no venue for public speaking, so here I am, once again taking to the written word. That's cool. It says "writer" on my business cards already. In fact, it says Musician, Actress, Comedian, Writer, Princess. So I'm totally allowed. And writing certainly is not second best. I'm quite fond of it.

     I am hesitant to make any promises in terms of how often I'll post or even about content, but I do hope to be honest and, as much as possible, non-boring. Thank you for reading, friends. May you find it worth your trouble.