Last week was awful.
There were a couple of profound disappointments, in a week that was supposed to be enjoyable; it contained a huge event at work, our office holiday party, and my birthday. It all ended up being pretty difficult, and I spent a fair amount of time trying not to cry in front of other people. Perhaps worse than feeling let down by others was the way it left me (as it always does) questioning and frustrated with myself. If I were braver, surely I'd be able to face these issues head-on and find resolution! But I'm not braver than I am.
It felt like Christmas was already over, and I was enjoying the lead-up to the holiday even less than usual.
Until tonight. I wasn't feeling Christmassy, but I was doing a reading in the Christmas Eve service at church, so I had to be there. And somewhere in the midst of the stories and carols that I'd heard a gazillion times, I realized that all this imperfection is, in a way, the whole point. God came to a messed-up Earth full of messed-up people who didn't miraculously un-mess up when He arrived. And every year, everything is still messed up. But Christmas still happens. That's actually what's great about it. I can be as weak and afraid and dysfunctional and sad as I need to be, but all that's true about Christmas holds true anyway. It holds true precisely because imperfect people like me needed it two thousand years ago and we need it now.
Have a wonderfully imperfect Christmas, friends. May you sleep in heavenly peace, because peace isn't based on your worthiness, or your ability to talk yourself down from a crisis, or whether you got all the cookies baked and the presents wrapped. It comes down to meet us.
God bless you, my fellow screw-ups!
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3 comments:
Glad to find your blog. Christmas is a time for searching on Craigslist, if you ask me. Church magnifies the family time.
I'm glad that I've got Jesus to penetrate the phony materialistic stuff.
And church can just be a routine, not having anything to do with having a relationship with Christ.
God bless.
Yeah, Christmas can be quite a painful experience. Church can just be a routine, when people attend just for religious duty.
Being single doesn't help.
For me, the relationship with Jesus doesn't change one way or another for this holiday. A lot of folks suffer, due to loss or loneliness.
Jesus makes room for wayfaring strangers.
Thanks for that reminder Holly. It reminds me of what I read in my morning devotional: "Jesus comes in poverty so we will always know that we are never alone, even when we are overwhelmed by fear, anxiety or any discouragement or disillusionment."
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