No Long Processions or Boring Speeches Here!

My improv graduation show went well! I had been in a slump for about a month, and even now have some negative feelings about performing improv in general. But the show itself was fun, felt pretty good, and the positive feedback seemed enthusiastic and genuine, both from friends and family, and from the experienced performers and teachers who were there. I had begun to feel like I wasn't good at it, but now I think it's just that I had some weak performances, and there's an important difference.

I may still take a break after this term of student teams, but now I don't have to feel like I failed, or have a sad feeling whenever I think of my time in improv. The grad show was redemptive. I'd prayed a lot about it, and when there were opportunities to get prayer from other people, I asked them to pray about the show. I really wanted it to be a good memory. And now it will be.

It was also an interesting experiment in pushing my own boundaries. I hadn't realized how much of our show was about sex until we did it all together, and the fact that a lot of our improv went in that direction added even more. I may have been the guiltiest party in that regard. Yet, in spite of the presence of my parents, little brother, several church friends, and God in the audience, I wasn't embarrassed. I ended up being more concerned that I'd taken a comedic cop-out. Even then, when I asked a couple of my teachers whether they thought that was bad, their response was, "Nah. It just tends to go there."

Cool. I feel like one of the things God is working on in me is this sort of internal stiffness -- stick-up-my-ass-ness, if you will. I don't want to be afraid or unable; if I'm not going to do something onstage, I want that to be a choice that comes out of confidence in my relationship with God, not merely a fear of risk. My natural tendency is to stay on the conservative and careful side of things (and this tendency is not necessarily godly in itself). I don't think I'm in danger of becoming a libertine just because I pretended to eat a mushroom burger while bowm-chicka-bowm-bowm music played in the background. And besides, it was funny.

I was also pleased that the other actors didn't seem afraid of me. Most of the time it's like I have this invisible force field around me that convinces people that I'm made of glass and will shatter in tears if they touch me or say anything untoward; I guess I come across as emotionally and physically fragile. But in our last improv bit, I ended up on the floor, and one of the guys came over and sat on me. (It's funny how something that would feel weird in real life can barely even regisiter in your consciousness when you're in the middle of a scene.) He didn't put his full weight on me, but I was still happy that he didn't hold back out of fear of breaking me or freaking me out.

So, here's to freedom!

And as we learned that night, sometimes you just have to sit on each other.