Thursday, August 10, 2006

I watched a sad romantic movie last night.

A coming-of-age story, where the 18-year-old heroine concludes, basically, that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. When I was that age, I assumed that adage was true simply because people said it. Later, when I got involved with a church that emphasized "guarding your heart," I assumed the opposite - that it's better not to give your heart away unless you had some reasonable assurance that it would be well taken care of.
Now, I think you have to make that call on a case-by-case basis. It depends on who you love, and how, and why, and whether they're free to love you back.
After watching this movie, though, I realized something:
If it's not wrong to love the one you love, and
if it's better to care and be open than to close yourself off,
...then my relationship with music was not a waste, nor was it a failure.
I cared. And I tried. If love is measured in sacrifice, then I did that, too. And maybe that experience in itself was good for me.
Although in place of classical music, perhaps I should learn the blues. Music is the man that done me wrong. But I'm not sorry I was his.

5 comments:

sylvia said...

Dear Holly, this is beautiful. and sad. but real, so thanks for sharing. :)

Marquioni said...

but are you happy with that or is there incompleteness?

Holly said...

I feel like I've let music go, but not that I've given it up forever. I fully expect to get back into it again, but I don't know when or in what capacity. Music is hard even WITH joy, so I'm waiting until it feels fun again. So, I do expect resolution to come, and I'm willing to wait, as long as it takes.

Marquioni said...

But what about human vs human relations?

Holly said...

Oh, I'm about as clueless as clueless gets in that department.