Latrine Detail

On Friday I was Queen of the Porta-Potties. Had my picture taken in front of them and everything. The bride was doing so much work herself (including sewing all the dinner napkins), that she had to delegate some jobs, and this was mine. The first crisis was that the johns were bright blue, not the green and brown she'd ordered, which meant they were highly visible outdoors -- great when you're in need of one, but not so great when they're in your wedding pictures. You could read the slogan on the side from the ceremony site ("Royal Flush -- We pick up where you leave off"). So Mom and I did some camouflage (sp?). We spent about an hour cutting branches and stacking them beside the visible unit. It didn't hide it completely, but it helped.

The other half of my assignment was to decorate the insides -- a little eye candy while guests are taking care of their business. I was given a stack of 8x10 baby pictures of the bride and groom. The bride, who is a natural blonde, was born with dark hair. In the pictures it's short, fuzzy, and sticking up, kind of a Pat Benetar look. In his picture, the groom had long, curly blonde locks, a suntan, and no shirt. His finger was up ot his mouth in a coquettish pose, and there was an ID bracelet on his wrist looking deceptively like jewelry. (Did anyone else out there have ID bracelets? They were these things with your name, address & phone number. If you were a little kid who got lost and were unable to verbally give your own information, the police could just check your wrist and ship you home via two-day mail.)

The long and short of it is, this picture makes him look like a girl. The bride has her own framed copy, courtesy of my parents, and when people see it they say, "L, you were such a pretty baby!" Her response: "Why yes, I was, but that's not me. That's J." It's also worth noting here that although we came from the same gene pool, J is now literally twice my size, possibly more. There's nothing girlish about him. The contrast between his baby picture and his grown-up self is quite entertaining.

These are the pictures guests were greeted with when they stepped inside. My brother's face was on the lid of the seat. I was good, though, and didn't put anything inside the urinal. We're only quasi-tasteless here.