Who Goes Home with the "Honor Student" Bumper Sticker?

Would you like to come to the Student Awards Night at my daughter's elementary school?

It'll be great. The kids and parents get so excited, and it's obvious the teachers take pride in their work. The band will play, there will be a little skit, and the PTA sells sodas for a quarter each.

Or how about this:

We had a big meeting at work today. They showed a whole slide show about the national sales convention. It looked like a ton of fun. I didn't go to the convention, so I don't know how it applied to me, but the sales people in the room seemed to enjoy reliving it. They announced some figures and statistics and I clapped when they said a number. And they gave us bagels. My coworker and I giggled when we saw people in the slideshow with bad haircuts.

What? You're not jealous? You're not eager to attend these events? You're not excited for the fifth grader and the salespeople? What could possibly be the reason?

Yet the entertainment industry is baffled by the fact that no one watches the Emmys.

I'll catch an awards show every few years, and as happens with my dad and Big Macs, that's often enough to remind me why I don't partake more often. I caught the Emmys on Sunday, landing there because I needed something on while I painted my toenails. What lured me in was this year's host, Neil Patrick Harris, whom I find endlessly charming. But I missed his opening number, and once that's done there's too much other stuff going on on an awards show for the host to be sufficient reason for watching. Well, I say "stuff going on," but what you really get is a night of lists. Here are six mini-series you haven't heard of till now. Here are dramas other people rave about. Here are comedies, two of which you may be able to catch on a regular basis. Here are actors on the cable channels you don't get, or the PBS station watched by people more sophisticated than you.

I can see why entertainment folks feel like they should be able to pull this off. They are, after all, professionals in all the areas required to produce a great show, something which could not be said of most other industries (tractor sales? PVC piping? come on). And perhaps, in the early days when Hollywood seemed inaccessible, there was something of the fairy tale when we watched stars on the red carpet (as opposed to the "Her dress is hideous!" snark we tend to indulge in now, myself included). I certainly don't begrudge creative folks the opportunity to be recognized by their peers; heck, I daydream about working as a creative type myself one day.

But I think that amidst all the analyzing about declining viewership and target demographics and changing technology, they may be missing one simple, key point:

Awards ceremonies are boring to everyone who isn't up for an award.