Thursday, February 11, 2010

Messy, Messy, Messy!

I think I'm reaching the point where the rubber hits the road in terms of being able to be myself in all my flawed splendor. Like in the way I'm leaving comments on my pastor's blog, even when I don't come off as sunshiny, or even rational. Just putting stuff out there, because even if it's not all brilliant or it's not all understood or appreciated, at least I tried.

This applies to lots of areas, not just having points of view. It applies to creativity, and turning ideas into works, even when they don't always come out as you'd hoped. And it applies to relationships, showing genuine enthusiasm to be around someone instead of playing it cool.

It means allowing myself to be unabashedly geeky, unapologetically unironic, fully engaged, exposed, anal and not "cool" with everything when I'm NOT cool with everything, and left wide open to criticism. It means letting people see my flaws, and not always trying to paint them prettily first. It means being OK when I don't know where I stand with everybody, when not all confusion is cleared up, and when some of my ideas get shot down as soon as they're spoken.

Ze Frank talks about the difficulty of "moving from 0 to 1," of how beginning something is harder than keeping it going, and how our ideas will always look better when they live only in our heads and never make the transition from Idea to Creation.

I'm leaving zero.

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