Several rumors are about to be started about me, by me, as I think of them. Here's what I've got so far:
Holly is not my real name. I can't tell you what my real name is, because it's so secret even I don't know it.
I smell faintly of tuna.
Even my very limited creativity can be directly attributed to absinthe. And literal green fairies who visit my room when I try to sleep. They leave turds.
I'm a quiet, polite neighbor who keeps to herself.
Corollary: Pets and deliverymen have been reported missing after last being seen near my home.
I give raisins on Halloween.
I used freelance musicianship as a front for laundering miniscule amounts of money.
I've been photographed romping on the beach with Owen Wilson and Matthew McConaughey -- and I had cellulite! Tabloids have declared me unforgiveably fat. Although I was labelled a "mystery woman," no one suspected either actor of actually dating me.
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