Trying to Be Rudy

We were told we'd hear if we made it onto a student improv team by today. If we don't hear, then we didn't make it. I haven't heard, and it's 5:39. So, there you go. Rats.

I'm not surprised, and it occurred to me today that it's a good sign that I'm able to tell that I didn't do well enough to get in, as opposed to being completely deceived about the quality of my own performance compared to those of the other auditionees. So, it's back onto the metaphorical horse tonight, as I head back to class, and likely to interaction with folks who did make it. As well they should, because there are talented people in my class.

It's awkward, trying to learn new things in your 30s. Without realizing it, I got used to being good at things like music and academics as I was growing up, and I developed perfectionism by avoiding things that didn't come naturally to me. I could get by without cultivating the determination acquired by kids who had to come from behind. No longer. I'm now doing improv with people who both have formal acting training and are ten years my junior. Or who are just plain more naturally gifted at it. I've auditioned for the student teams twice, and have failed to make it in twice. But I still want to do this, so that means dusting myself off, sucking up the embarrassment of being mediocre, and keeping going.

One thing I'm learning is to give myself credit for pushing past the fear and giving it a shot. And although I punked out and didn't take the April auditions, I've now given it another shot. Looks like I'll be waiting till Fall till I get another shot, but to my knowledge there's no limit on how many times you can try.

One of the big reasons why I'd like to get onto one of these teams is that, once you've made it through Level 6, there are no more weekly classes to take. I'm halfway through Level 5 now, and I'd like to continue to have regular practice. Once I graduate, if I'm not already on a team, I imagine it'll only get harder because I'll "lose my chops." Although, I suppose I could start taking classes at the other improv theater in town. So, nothing is fatal.

I used to want a blemish-free record. I didn't want to be like the college kid Rudy, in the football movie; I wanted to be the guy who got first string quarterback. But the first string doesn't have a movie made about him, does he? I'm noticing that a lot of successful people talk about not giving up. Well then, here's where the rubber meets the road.

I'm going to class tonight. This is me not giving up.