Sometimes I have revelations. I don't necessarily get all the answers, but I'll understand something I didn't before. Usually this Something is a way in which my thinking has been messed up. I've had a few revelations this week, but today I give you two:
1. I'm afraid no one will want what I have to offer -- as a writer, as a woman, even as I try to sell my car. I recognized this as a blatant falsehood before, but recognizing something as false does't always stop you from believing it on some level. It's an addictively self-pitying thought, though, so I strongly recommend that you don't go there.
2. I don't trust God to speak to me in a way that would refute these supposed negative opinions from other people. I imagine Him telling everyone that they're pretty or special or whatever, which of course renders those words completely meaningless.
So I'm not just asking God to speak to me and tell me what's true, because I doubt I would believe it. I'm asking Him to prove me wrong. If something is true, and I need to change my thinking to line up with this truth, then show me, don't just tell me. My head is aware of plenty of things, but my heart is not convinced. I want convincing.
I'd also like to mention that I spoke up for myself yesterday. I won't bore you with details, but it meant I had to redirect someone's line of questioning. Normally I don't do this because I don't want to be rude and correct someone. But I did it. Boo-yah!
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1 comment:
Holly don´t go there; I don´t know where you get all this stuff from but as little as i´ve known you from this blog tells me you´re someone special in every sense, and a very creative and talented writer; i´m sure anyone who´s read your blog agrees on this. You just have to believe in yourself, maybe its just the rest that don´t have anything to offer to you.
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